most of us have fathers. but a lot of us daughters take them for granted. we don’t understand that they won’t be here forever.
when i was 11, i lost my dad to a pancreatic cancer. it’s horrible, and i miss him more than you could ever imagine. you might be wondering why i’m telling you this, that it’s super personal. but i know how it feels, to only have one person in your life who’s there for you. to only have one person to rely on. i’m most certainly going to miss out on stuff with my dad. he’s not going to see me get my actual license, or graduate high school. he’s not going to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. he’s also not going to get me any more of those cheesy birthday cards with the music coming out of it. but i’ve come to terms with things like this. not everything in life is a bubble bath. people take things for granted, and they don’t realize that things rarely ever stay the same. that bad things really do happen.
people tell me that they’re sorry a lot. about my dad, i mean. but i don’t understand why. they didn’t do anything to kill him. they didn’t do anything to make him not be here with me right now. i mean i guess they’re just trying to be nice, but frankly, i just don’t understand. i don’t like the whole sorry for your loss thing. it’s okay.
he taught me so many things. how to ice skate, how to play piano. he was my mentor, my hero. he inspired me to pursue my music, to deepen myself into performing. you know, he also isn’t going to see me play a 7 year old in Matilda. but that’s okay, because he actually knew me when i was 7. he knew me as a little girl, who depended on her father for everything. he promised me he would be here to watch me do all of these things, to watch me become a strong woman. and i promised him i’d never grow up. i guess promises break all the time.
but trust me, i’m okay.
i also have a step-dad. well he’s my mom’s boyfriend, but they’re pretty inseparable. he doesn’t live with us though. but he’s nice i guess, i’ve known him for like a year and he tries to do some bonding activities. but he’s not my dad. he could never replace my dad either, and he knows that.
and what makes me happy is that the people who knew me before my dad passed, like Jade and Matt, they don’t treat me any differently than they did beforehand. and that makes me happy. i love them so much.
so please, don’t treat me any differently.
a question people ask me sometimes is, what about his birthday? we still celebrate it. it serves as an honor, a remembrance day. it’s my favorite holiday.
and i know my dad is watching over me in heaven. and i love him so much.
Robert Evan Kopenfelt – 10/17/1963 to 6/8/2011