my first kiss(es)

this post is kind of going to be a throwback i guess.

we’re going to be talking about my first kiss.

the one onstage, and the one offstage.

surprisingly, the one offstage came first, in 7th grade. Matt kissed me in 7th grade once. i’m not sure if i said this before, but yeah. the guy i’ve always had a massive crush on kissed me in middle school. and i was really scared so i ran away.

i fucking ran away.

yeah i wasn’t the most mature.

even though it was 4 years ago, i remember it like it was yesterday. it was a quick kiss, probably like 6 seconds. neither of us let go, that’s all. but after i got home and realized what happened i was freaking out. and started fantasizing our life together. creepy, i know. but it never happened again, so i was sad. but i mean, it did end up happening again, just 4 years later. and now we make out all the time. and it’s way longer than 6 seconds.

too far?


it’s true though 😉

now onto my first stage kiss.

i’m going to share 2 of the kisses that happened between me and the mystery boy i haven’t picked a name for yet.

the first time we ever PRACTICED the kiss and everyone else in the cast was watching,

and the one on opening night in front of an audience.

so yes, these kisses were not with Matt. but i still wanted to share them, because it was a sentimental time in my life and all that jazz.

i never really liked this guy by the way. i mean yeah i got that butterflies in my stomach feeling cuz i had to like make out with the guy (way more than once) and it was exciting but i was also really really nervous for everything.

wait i need to stop myself.

all along i’ve been telling you guys that i had a crush on Matt since the beginning of time and shit.

but that’s not exactly the case.

yeah i liked him in like 5th grade (he was in 6th), but that was silly crushes and stuff. so it wasn’t a big deal.

then i stopped liking him, because let’s be real, 5th grade crushes always end. and that’s also when my dad started to get sick, towards the summer. so i couldn’t really focus on anything else.

but i didn’t like anyone else again until like 8th grade. middle school was a traumatic time of my life, with my dad dying when i was only 11. i just couldn’t really focus on boys, or anything. just that my dad was gone.

and yeah, Matt did really kiss me in 7th grade and it was my first actual kiss (weird how the world works, right? my first kiss was the love of my life and i didn’t even know it back then.)  but it didn’t go anywhere then, i was so young and so many things were going on with me and i was just not ready at all. but nobody really is in 7th grade, right?

in 8th grade it was the same thing. i just couldn’t find anybody actually worth it.

(and then in 9th grade, since we were both in high school and saw each other way more, i guess i kind of fell in love with him, really hard. i’ve loved him ever since Freshman Year, and i’ll probably never stop. sorry not sorry.) but i had to kiss this guy. he’s one of my friends to this day, but i wanted to wait and introduce him in this story. he’s the mystery man. but his name is Riley. so he’s not really a mystery anymore. also, we became friends because of this play. we didn’t really know each other before this show, but it brought us close. (by the way, Riley is a junior like me, we were both in 8th grade at the time.)

but yeah. we had to kiss. and it was scary. because it was basically my first kiss, but not, because i had only kissed a guy 1 other time before that.

the character i was playing was a slut. just gonna say that. my character was a slut. and it was really nerve-wracking for me because i was the one who had to kiss him.

scratch that.

i was the one who had to grab his shirt, push my lips against his, and basically climb on top of him/pounce on him WHILE making out with him. and we were supposed to make out for like a minute straight until my “husband” came in and saw us.


yes. my character was married. she was a slut. and a cougar, because i was playing a woman in her early 30’s, (which was weird cuz i’m really short. but anyways) and Riley was playing a character who was 23 and was engaged to my “daughter”. the show was insanely fucked up.

it was a really innapropriate show. (how the fuck do you spell inappropriate? i never knew and i never will know. jeez.)

but yeah. i was the one who started the whole kiss. so i was really really really really scared.

so the first time we were practicing the scene, i was really nervous and sweating and i was blushing the whole time. not because i liked Riley, because i didn’t. at all. i literally didn’t even know him. but because everyone in the cast was watching as we were getting directed to kiss. it was reallyyyyyyyy weirddddddd.

but anyways, the first thing the director told us to do was kiss. like we didn’t even start practicing the scene, she just told us to kiss to get the awkwardness out of the way and “get used to each other”.

but of course since i was the one who had to kiss him, i was the one who had to lean in and kiss him.

so i did that. and it went fine, actually. yeah, it was so awkward, but we just had to block out everyone else and just kiss. and we did. that’s all. and everyone was doing that typical middle schooler “oooooo” thing. but it was fine.

then we moved onto rehearsing the actual scene.

we were saying our lines and then just jumped into the kiss. and i was on top of him just making out with him.

it was an important time in my life. even if it wasn’t with someone i was in love with. but that definitely brought us closer. even though it was 3 years ago and we were just little 8th graders, it was the start of a good friendship.

after practicing the kissing more than like 3 times, it just seemed natural. so opening night went perfectly fine. for a stage kiss, i mean.

and that’s all it was.

but i thought i’d share it, because it was an important time in my life. and it was kind of interesting, thinking back on it.

i also wanna say i’m sorry that i’ve been posting about kissing lately, but i just wanted to share this. i’ll be back tomorrow with a non-kissing story, i promise.

love you ❤



2 thoughts on “my first kiss(es)

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