sadness

i found out a buncha shitty things

i finally went to the doctor and my foot is practically broken. it’s not, but the 3 ligaments around the ankle bone are super sprained, so i’m in a boot for 2 weeks. best 2 weeks ever am i right? it also hurts like hell so that’s fun. note to self: go to doctor immediately.

now here’s the sad part …

Stella is dating someone else and apparently has been since valentines day. and ironically it’s a guy who’s name is Matt. not my old Matt but a different one. it sucks a lot because she didn’t even tell me, Jane did. nobody tells me things and i don’t know why. i actually thought we could be together but i guess not. i missed my shot.

depression fucking sucks. like v bad. especially now bc of the Stella thing. but she told me she liked me like 2 weeks ago which i completely don’t understand. but whatever.

i just want to sleep forever. or die. preferably the latter. i’m just so tired and done.

i’m already bad at posting and it’s been a solid week. i always just forget to post, or there’s nothing interesting to say. if only my life were more interesting. it just sucks.

the speech went well, i don’t know my grade though. hopefully i’ll get it soon.

my grades are suffering omg i need to care more but i just don’t.

i have gotten about 2 hours and 30 minutes of sleep these past 2 days because of pain, homework, and depression. and just that i have massive sleep troubles.

i’m immensely tired.

i’m gonna go take a nap.

peace.

today was rough

my foot is killing me.

it is 11:20 at night.

i’m sleep deprived.

ugh.

i have to write a speech for my english class that’s due tomorrow and i barely started it. i’m writing it on the history of LGBT rights and the community’s future. i just did so much stats homework too and i still have to do history homework. obviously i have my priorities straight. xD i need advil and coffee.

i didn’t go to the doctor’s today because i’m just lazy as fuck and don’t give a shit. so i’m just using my old crutches from last year until my foot doesn’t hurt anymore. i don’t think it’s broken so hopefully it’ll just heal on it’s own.

we’re doing Wizard of Oz at my acting  group and there’s rehearsal tomorrow. i’m Dorothy, btw. but i can’t dance so this sucks. i also had pointe class tonight and couldn’t do anything. my teacher was mad that i went skiing. boo him.

it’s hard to drive because it’s my right foot that’s hurt/sprained/whatevered but i can make do. also it’s super swollen and i can’t get any shoes on it. oops. fuck the stupid chairlift operator.

Stella update: we kind of held hands today 🙂 she’s just so sweet and i’m legit in love with her she also tied my shoe for me because of my sprained foot

Jazz update: sad i can’t ride her bc of my foot but i love her so much and she’s my giant girl ❤ i’d ask jadey to take her for a ride but she’s a very green horse and needs a confident advanced rider still.

Diva update: still kickin, that old mare. Jadey loves to ride her when i ride Jazz. i love her though, i won’t forget about her. ❤

now i’m just fb messaging one of my old friends who is a sophomore in college now. she’s like my older sister and has been since forever. her name is Avery. i’ll add her to the list. she’s my favorite person in the world besides Jadey. i’ve known her practically since i was born. she was a senior when i was a freshman. omg when i was a freshman i was best friends with Lorelei. then she started dating Matt and it all went downhill from there. i was such a cringy 9th grader. my foot hurts so badly omg.

my depression is aye okay. sucks, but alright i guess.

how have you all been?

 

 

 

de ja vu (short post i’m sorry)

i’m here again! i promised i’d blog basically every day, and i’m not going back on my word.

so i literally experienced de ja vu today (not really but it’s still kinda spooky)

i’m on winter break right now, and today was my last day before i go back. me, Matt, and Jade went on a skiing trip because we all love to ski. it was super fun and i loved spending time with them but something super shitty happened.

let me start off by saying that last year around the beginning of March i broke my foot. i was walking to class and i fell down the stairs and my foot broke.

so anyways: Matt, Jade and i were getting on the chairlift and my skis crossed and i fell like in front of the lift as it was coming around. my foot and leg got all twisted so much that my ski came off, i also heard my ankle pop. they stopped the lift but we still went to the top of the hill. we get off the lift and i can’t put any pressure on my foot because it hurts so badly. MIND YOU THAT THIS IS THE SAME FOOT I BROKE LAST YEAR TOO. YET I STILL SKIED DOWN THE HILL bc im a fuckin bad ass :)))) but yea i was skiing on one foot bc i’m a pro and i fell like 20 bajillion times. it was embarrassing but yea. so now i am in a bunch of pain and going to the doctor’s tomorrow. yay this is so great im so happy………

but yea so i may or may not have broken my ankle/foot again.

de ja vu am i right?

so anyways, i have a lot lot lot of homework to do bc i’m a lazy ass bitch who procrastinates everything till the literal last second.

also i’m hopelessly in love w/ Stella , so there’s a lil update on that.

oh also Jane is fabulous and we facetime basically everyday. nobody will replace Jadey though 🙂

OMG LORELEI IS A FUCKING CUNT OK IM SORRY i actually hate her so much she’s just annoying and needs to grow the fuck uppppppppppppppppppp

k anyways

i hope you all had a lovely day ❤

talk later, i gotta do some homework

yours truly,
Aria Rose Kopenfelt

it has been a very long time, friends

woah.

how the fuck did i end up here.

it has been exactly one year since i created this blog.

to be honest, i completely forgot about it and now i’m sad because i remember it made me so happy to talk to all of you and post about random shit.

but boy, do i need to update you guys on literally everything.

i’m a senior in high school now! i’m almost done with all of the little fuckers that i’ll never have to see again! isn’t that just great? (as you can see my personality has barely changed at all)

sooooo i have depression. i don’t remember if i mentioned that before. well yea, that’s a sucky thing. it gets in the way, but i’ve been learning to cope with it. i started therapy a couple months ago. it all kind of started after my dad died, but intensified after i got older.

i always thought i’d marry a guy. Matt specifically. i love him 100%, but i lost feelings for him a couple months ago. not because he’s a shit person because he’s not, and has always been there for me and still is. i’ve spent a lot of time figuring myself out, and i realized that i liked girls, in a romantic way. i also like boys though, so i was confused. but i’m bisexual meaning i’m sexually and romantically attracted to boys and girls. i fell in love with my best friend Jade, you know her. this all happened while i was with Matt. Jade and i were hammered drunk one night talking about feelings and shit. a lot of stuff spilled out that i hadn’t even thought about before. how i didn’t know who i was anymore and how i didn’t even know if i loved Matt. we then were just giggling and talking and we kissed each other. it felt great. it was just pure passion and love. we fell asleep and talked it through the next morning. she had feelings for me, and i assumed i did as well, because the kiss just felt so right. so we ended up “getting together” without Matt knowing. we’d kiss and explore each other and just do things for fun. then after a week or two, i told Matt. he wasn’t mad, just sad. we’re no longer together, but we still love each other (as friends). i just want to be happy, and i want him to be happy. technically i cheated on him, which makes me shitty. but i had no idea what feelings even were. oh by the way i’m not a virgin lolol Matt and i ended up having sex in June bc we’re teenagers and we’re horny, what can we say. but i wouldn’t have wanted to lose my virginity any other way, even though those feelings are gone. also, Jadey and i did some things 😉

the “thing” with me and Jadey didn’t last. we’re still best friends and love each other to death, but it was all fun and games while drunk or high with a couple of loose strings attached. i figured that if you had to get drunk or high to love someone it wasn’t truly real. we’re still super close though, and we laugh about the memories.

i also ended up getting together with a girl i met september because i’m a horny little mother fucker. we were together for like a month, and then i found out she was cheating on me. karma really is a thing, isn’t it.

i’ve spent the time since october being single and trying to be happy. Loren and i haven’t posted a youtube video in a super long time. Brooklyn my lil babe is doing great as a sophomore. she’s so cute i love her. i remember when i was a sophomore. Lorelei is still a fucking ass who needs to smoke a blunt and suck some dick. needless to say, we still hate each other. Mackenzie grew up, and isn’t really Satan anymore. we don’t talk ever but i hope she’s not still 9 years old in her brain. Matt is still cheesy old Matt. still dreamy and loving, and a great best friend. life is pretty swell.

i have some good news though. get excited folks.

i’m going to start blogging again. totally real, totally raw pieces of my life. i remember how happy it made me and how i loved it, and i want to keep posting because i love it so much. so yay!

also i’m in a relationship kind of? i’m in love with this girl. we met in September (not the asshole who cheated on me) because she transferred to our school. she’s beautiful and we get along so well. we have amazing chemistry and she’s so adorable and lovely. i told her how i felt about her, and we’re on our way towards getting together. her name is Stella. i’ll add her to the “who’s who” page.

also, another girl transferred to our school! her name is Jane and she’s super nice. we’re really close friends. she’s super tall too. she’s also gorgeous but doesn’t think she is. she’s super funny and i’m so glad that we met. i’ll also add her to the “who’s who” page.

OH I TOTALLY FORGOT!!! I GOT MY LICENCE AND MY OWN CAR! i love cheryl so much (the oldies who used to read my blog will remember that i said i’d name her cheryl and i did!) i love Cheryl. if u want i’ll also add Cheryl to the list of people lolol.

so yeah, that’s my life up until this very moment. also i love weed it’s gr8.

so welcome back if you’re not new, but welcome if you are! i’m Aria, i’m 16 years old, and i love you.

HOLY SHIT WAIT

SO I GOT ANOTHER HORSE

HER NAME IS JASMINE (jazz) AND SHE’S THE SWEETEST THING EVER I LOVE HER SO MUCH

i still have Diva don’t worry, she’s an old lady now but she’s still kickin’. i love her she’ll always be my favorite (sorry jasmine)

JAZZ IS A HUGE DARK BAY MARE AND I’M IN LOVE WITH HER SHE’S SO SWEET

as you can see i’ve never left my horse phase lmao

so yea, that’s my life.

welcome to the shit show 🙂

yours truly,
Aria Rose Kopenfelt ❤

 

quizzes, a weird sub, and great news!

first of all i want to say sorry. i keep breaking my promises. i don’t post when i say i will, and it’s unfair. but i like to write about my life. what’s interesting, and stuff i love. and i don’t want to post boring stuff. so i just don’t post as often as i used to. but i still post, so that’s good. i like posting.

anyways…

me, Loren, and Brooklyn (Jade isn’t in Chorus) were in Chorus taking a bunch of online quizzes because we’re rebels and using our phones in class. just kidding. there was a substitute.

but yeah. me, Loren, and Brooklyn were just taking a bunch of random quizzes. apparently i’m a Firebender, Brooklyn is an Earthbender, and Loren is a Waterbender. it seems about right.

the sub was really weird thoooooo like he was really creepy…..

he had really long hair in a ponytail and it was super greasy. he made us all play hangman. he also wore a french horn tie and an all black suit. he was reading our music for chorus and was like trying to hum out the notes whilst standing behind us and when was asked him what he was doing he said, “oh i play the french horn and i’m just trying to make out the notes to see if i could play this.”

he was weird. that’s all.

also i have great news!

starting tomorrow i don’t have to use my crutches and next Tuesday i’m getting my boot off!!!!!!!

the doctor said i healed rather quickly and i don’t need my boot or crutches anymore!

i’m back to normal!! (well, almost…)

that means…. I CAN DO MY SHOW!!!!!

and………..

I CAN TAKE MY DRIVERS TEST!!!

it’s been like 6 or 7 weeks in a boot and crutches and i can’t wait to get out of them. i guess my wish was granted! that’s pretty cool.

but Matt said he’d still give me piggyback rides 🙂

oh as i’m thinking about shows this popped in my head.

Facebook (yes i have one no i’m not telling you it) has this thing called memories and when you post something, every year after that the album will pop up on the date you uploaded it and you can see all of the pictures in the album.

i uploaded an album for my 8th grade show and the show was May 1st and 2nd.

i can see all of the pictures from the show! i haven’t looked at them in so long, and it’ll be fun to see me in those huge dresses cozying up to Riley on the couch and embracing my “husband” and talking with my “daughter” about men. i also get to see all of the behind the scenes pictures with me and my old friends (and current friends) in costume and just having fun.

8th grade was a fun time. even though it was middle school and that was a horrible time for me, 8th grade was where everything started to get better. where everything started to fall into place, like how the next 4 years would be and everything.

that show was my first huge role (besides 3rd grade as Mike TV in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) and it’s gonna be great to see all of the pictures and memories.

i also picked out my car!!!

sadly, i am not getting a Toyota Highlander anymore.

but i’m getting…

a 2017 Acura RDX in Basque Red Pearl 2 with Ebony interior!!!

she’s beautiful and i love her more than Matt (don’t tell him i said that)

i’m totally kidding but i’m getting this amazing car and it’s gonna be amazing and great.

this is a happy post. i like it!

so i’m gonna go get some lunch now, talk soon!

~aria~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

my first kiss(es)

this post is kind of going to be a throwback i guess.

we’re going to be talking about my first kiss.

the one onstage, and the one offstage.

surprisingly, the one offstage came first, in 7th grade. Matt kissed me in 7th grade once. i’m not sure if i said this before, but yeah. the guy i’ve always had a massive crush on kissed me in middle school. and i was really scared so i ran away.

i fucking ran away.

yeah i wasn’t the most mature.

even though it was 4 years ago, i remember it like it was yesterday. it was a quick kiss, probably like 6 seconds. neither of us let go, that’s all. but after i got home and realized what happened i was freaking out. and started fantasizing our life together. creepy, i know. but it never happened again, so i was sad. but i mean, it did end up happening again, just 4 years later. and now we make out all the time. and it’s way longer than 6 seconds.

too far?

sorry.

it’s true though 😉

now onto my first stage kiss.

i’m going to share 2 of the kisses that happened between me and the mystery boy i haven’t picked a name for yet.

the first time we ever PRACTICED the kiss and everyone else in the cast was watching,

and the one on opening night in front of an audience.

so yes, these kisses were not with Matt. but i still wanted to share them, because it was a sentimental time in my life and all that jazz.

i never really liked this guy by the way. i mean yeah i got that butterflies in my stomach feeling cuz i had to like make out with the guy (way more than once) and it was exciting but i was also really really nervous for everything.

wait i need to stop myself.

all along i’ve been telling you guys that i had a crush on Matt since the beginning of time and shit.

but that’s not exactly the case.

yeah i liked him in like 5th grade (he was in 6th), but that was silly crushes and stuff. so it wasn’t a big deal.

then i stopped liking him, because let’s be real, 5th grade crushes always end. and that’s also when my dad started to get sick, towards the summer. so i couldn’t really focus on anything else.

but i didn’t like anyone else again until like 8th grade. middle school was a traumatic time of my life, with my dad dying when i was only 11. i just couldn’t really focus on boys, or anything. just that my dad was gone.

and yeah, Matt did really kiss me in 7th grade and it was my first actual kiss (weird how the world works, right? my first kiss was the love of my life and i didn’t even know it back then.)  but it didn’t go anywhere then, i was so young and so many things were going on with me and i was just not ready at all. but nobody really is in 7th grade, right?

in 8th grade it was the same thing. i just couldn’t find anybody actually worth it.

(and then in 9th grade, since we were both in high school and saw each other way more, i guess i kind of fell in love with him, really hard. i’ve loved him ever since Freshman Year, and i’ll probably never stop. sorry not sorry.) but i had to kiss this guy. he’s one of my friends to this day, but i wanted to wait and introduce him in this story. he’s the mystery man. but his name is Riley. so he’s not really a mystery anymore. also, we became friends because of this play. we didn’t really know each other before this show, but it brought us close. (by the way, Riley is a junior like me, we were both in 8th grade at the time.)

but yeah. we had to kiss. and it was scary. because it was basically my first kiss, but not, because i had only kissed a guy 1 other time before that.

the character i was playing was a slut. just gonna say that. my character was a slut. and it was really nerve-wracking for me because i was the one who had to kiss him.

scratch that.

i was the one who had to grab his shirt, push my lips against his, and basically climb on top of him/pounce on him WHILE making out with him. and we were supposed to make out for like a minute straight until my “husband” came in and saw us.

WE WERE BASICALLY GOING TO HAVE SEX ON STAGE IF IT WEREN’T FOR MY “HUSBAND” COMING ON STAGE AND INTERRUPTING US.

yes. my character was married. she was a slut. and a cougar, because i was playing a woman in her early 30’s, (which was weird cuz i’m really short. but anyways) and Riley was playing a character who was 23 and was engaged to my “daughter”. the show was insanely fucked up.

it was a really innapropriate show. (how the fuck do you spell inappropriate? i never knew and i never will know. jeez.)

but yeah. i was the one who started the whole kiss. so i was really really really really scared.

so the first time we were practicing the scene, i was really nervous and sweating and i was blushing the whole time. not because i liked Riley, because i didn’t. at all. i literally didn’t even know him. but because everyone in the cast was watching as we were getting directed to kiss. it was reallyyyyyyyy weirddddddd.

but anyways, the first thing the director told us to do was kiss. like we didn’t even start practicing the scene, she just told us to kiss to get the awkwardness out of the way and “get used to each other”.

but of course since i was the one who had to kiss him, i was the one who had to lean in and kiss him.

so i did that. and it went fine, actually. yeah, it was so awkward, but we just had to block out everyone else and just kiss. and we did. that’s all. and everyone was doing that typical middle schooler “oooooo” thing. but it was fine.

then we moved onto rehearsing the actual scene.

we were saying our lines and then just jumped into the kiss. and i was on top of him just making out with him.

it was an important time in my life. even if it wasn’t with someone i was in love with. but that definitely brought us closer. even though it was 3 years ago and we were just little 8th graders, it was the start of a good friendship.

after practicing the kissing more than like 3 times, it just seemed natural. so opening night went perfectly fine. for a stage kiss, i mean.

and that’s all it was.

but i thought i’d share it, because it was an important time in my life. and it was kind of interesting, thinking back on it.

i also wanna say i’m sorry that i’ve been posting about kissing lately, but i just wanted to share this. i’ll be back tomorrow with a non-kissing story, i promise.

love you ❤

~aria~

showers

where I think about everything. where I contemplate life, and other things. where i can wash away a bad day.

I love showers. in the shower I think about life. where would I be right now if one little thing was different? if I lived in a different state, if Mason hadn’t have dissapeared. but when you think about it, you can’t change the past. what happened has already happened and all you can ever do is think about it. 

if we were still doing Beauty And The Beast, would Matt have kissed me during rehearsal? if I was a senior and not a junior, would I have the same friend circle?

that’s what I think about in the shower. the what ifs. what if this happened , and what do I do now that this happened?

but a shower is the perfect place to think. you’re alone, and in an environment where you can wash away the bad thoughts, and get rained on by the good things.

but these are serious things I think about. not just the past. but the future.

what if I don’t get into college? what if me and Matt break up? what if I die?

they all can happen. my demons come out in the shower. it’s scary.

but it’s also a great thing. 

thinking is a great thing. 

(sorry it’s so short, I have to go to rehearsal, but I wanted to share this)